Choosing words to explain what I am not explaining


2019 was filled with so many experiences that I think I spent at least half of my holiday trying to wrap my head around the fact that it was Christmas already. To me 2019 was magical. At some point (a lot of points) it was also very busy (not always in a good way). 2019 was the year of the unexpected. The year of everything-at-once and the year of more-than-I-could-have-ever-dreamed-of. And a million life-lessons. I feel like I have learnt more about myself this past year (and about what multitasking really means), than I have ever learnt before (btw. Maria from another year might disagree). And somehow I still can't find words to express what I have actually learnt. Like I said as part of my speech during the graduation party at Northern School of Contemporary Dance (2,5 years ago!!!!) «I have learnt so much during these past three years, and right now I can't remember any of it». I would like to share all that I have learnt, and all that has happened during the past year, but somehow the words seem outdated as soon as I write them. Ouf ouf. Maybe it is because sometimes the experiences belong to the moment, and the moments remain hidden in my heart? Maybe I want to keep some of them for myself? And when I do, maybe that is okay too?

Well, okidoki. I will then just say this much: Happy new year! And then I will spend 2020 sharing whatever my heart encourages me to share. And at the moment it is the following:

I am spending the beginning of this year planning the classes I am teaching this semester. There is so much work in preparing to teach. So much work in planning all the classes, picking the music, making the material, and remembering everything. Luckily I still have some days (++) before I need to have everything ready. And I am enjoying it. I am enjoying to have just this to focus on at the moment. To have space to focus on making the classes as good as I can, without squeezing a lot of other projects in at the same time. One step at the time. Creating the foundation of the new year. Eventually all the rest of the freelance-life will be added on top of it as well. Some exciting projects are happening, and I will once again be challenged with how I choose my time. Choosing my time. One step at the time. Time is precious. Too precious to pressure it with more than it is capable of containing. In 2020 my hope will be to choose my time with care, to contain whatever it holds, and to rest in the knowledge that it is not my job to hold everything at once. Allowing change. Allowing the passing of time. To trust.

Today I attended the first meeting of the year with my lovely colleagues at Kirsti Skullerud Ballett og Dansestudio - I can't wait to see my dancing ladies again in not too long!! Next week I am kicking off the dance season with my lovely colleagues at KGB dans & ballett as well, before I fully jump into the dance season the week after.

I feel thankful that regardless of how much is (or will be) happening at once, there is a time for everything. And sometimes it is also time for not-so-much-happening-at-once. And it is strange, but all that exist between «everything» and «nothing» is part of this mysterious freelance-life. And I like being the artist who does all of this, am who I am, and is blessed to be doing what I do (even if I am not always able to keep track of it all or to know what it is that I do).

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